Parenting in the Trenches

Building Confidence in Perhaps the One Area we feel most Guilt

It is graduation time around the Despres house.  My second son is done and headed to Texas A&M Galveston Campus.  He is excited and we are as well.  Only 3 more to go…I was thinking about schools, grades, minimum level competencies and graduation.  Everyone that walks must pass.  Same with a Driver’s License.  Written and road tests must be minimally passed in order to have the privilege of driving.  Not so with parenting (unless you are adopting).  There are no applications, no minimum level competencies, and no background checks.  Two people can either decide or “accidentally” become parents.  I find that amazing.

When a man and woman decide to be parents, they have appointed themselves at that point to be trustees of the future…the emotional well being of their child and those he/she interact with is largely affected by how you pour into them. WE ARE TRUSTEES OF THE FUTURE.

There are a lot of books to guide parents dealing with God’s way to Grace based parenting to dealing with the brain and boundaries.  I am indebted to Buck Hatch; his wisdom and biblical foundations are spot on.  Parents who want to have a Biblical framework for parenting may not get answers to the dangers or not of sucking thumbs, or to clear age of dating standards or what kinds of clothes kids should wear but what the Bible does give is Principles.

God is the Architect of the FamilyWhen we hire an architect we want the first question out of their mouth to be “What is the Purpose of the Building?”  What will it be used for?  So it is clear the first question we must answer is, “What do we want our children to be/become?”  If you don’t know where you are going any direction will do but not every direction is profitable for a child.

In one place in the Bible, we meet a boy named Samuel and he has some contemporaries whose names are Hophni and Phinehas.  Two sets of boys with two sets of parents with obvious two sets of outcomes.  What can we learn about successful parenting?  Samuel was a prophet.  Eli’s boys Hophni & Phinehas were priests.  Is it true that successful parents have kids who go into the ministry?  Obviously not, vocation has very little to do with parenting success.

Principles of Parenting

  1. Vocation is not as important as a heart for God.  Just because someone is a priest, pastor, missionary or bible scholar, doesn’t mean their heart is aligned with God’s.
  2. Protection is not the end all for parenting.  Samuel was in the Temple near the end of the time of the Judges, he no doubt saw Eli’s sons disrespect the things and people of God (1 Samuel 2:17,
  3. Education is not the final answer for parenting.  Homeschooling, Christian Schooling, Public Schooling are all good options for children.
  4. Temperaments are not the end all either.  Introverts are not better than extroverts.  Those who are quiet are not holier than the loud children.
  5. Parents are very important (1 Samuel 2:29).  Samuel’s parents were stellar and H&P’s Dad was a useless waste. However, it does appear that although Samuel was a spiritual giant his kids were anything but that (1 Samuel 8:1-3).

Normal Biblical Parenting

Now the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man (1 Samuel 2:26).

Our goal is Normal parenting.  Provide for normal physical growth, normal mental growth, normal relational growth and normal spiritual growth.  How you choose to provide normal is up in the air.  Interesting, this is the same words used of Jesus in Luke 2:52.

The only parenting style that removes guilt from parenting is the one that puts God at the center …If you get any glory out of the process you get to keep the guilt. If you give all the glory to God, then you remove yourself of guilt.

What is an Addictive Personality? part 2

Avoiding a Samson-like Fatal Attraction.

My coach would always say, “Never play to the level of your competition.”  I guess if your competition was better it would be bad advice.  I have seen too many teams play to the level of their competition and not play to the top of their ability.  It is extremely frustrating as a coach.  Samson is the strongest in the league by far.  It is hard to get any good game tape on this guy…”no one knows where his strength comes from” (Judges 16:6). He has destroyed thousands with a jawbone of a donkey, torn lions apart, caught foxes and destroyed crops.  This all leads me to ask:  What did Samson look like?  Hollywood Samson or maybe the real Jewish Samson?

 

If Samson was what we think, “Incredible Hulk Samson” then I am not sure why people insisted on trying to figure out where his strength came from.  No I believe Samson looked like any typical Jewish man would have looked.  There seems to always be mystery and intrigue when it comes to God.  Enter Delilah whose name means “weak one!” She is called in the find out the answer.  She begs, pleads, coaxes him to give her the secret.  We are crying in the background, “Wake up Man!”

Samson’s Fatal Attraction

Addictive people  don’t typically become addicts over night.  If we knew our actions would result in our death or destruction we probably wouldn’t carry them out.  No one wakes up one day and decides I’m going to jump off a cliff to my death, without first going down a long path of struggle, deception, giving in, being overwhelmed by chemicals, not having the correct medicinal path, etc.  Samson gives closer and closer hints to the “real” secret.  Slowly we crawl to the cliff of disaster.  Those who are destroyed by addictions get to a place where it is virtually impossible to turn back.  The first steps were the determining ones.

St. Ambrose said, “Samson, when brave, strangled a lion; but he could not strangle his own love.  He burst the fetters of his foes; but not the cords of his own lusts.  He burned the crops of others, and lost the fruit of his own virtue when burning with the flame enkindled by a single woman.

How Should we then Live in Light of This???

Cultivate Intimacy with God- As long as Samson looked to God to quench his thirst he was all right, but when he stopped looking to God he became thirsty and succumbed to Temptation. Our ability to drink will determine our spiritual satisfaction and our ability to spiritually flow.

Marriage does not solve the problem of LUST! Lust is a spiritual problem not a physical issue. If you struggled with LUST before marriage you will after. Marriage is not your answer, Jesus is your answer, the gospel is your power.

Build a Strategic attitude toward Lust

  • Deal ruthlessly with thoughts- Lust starts in the Mind (Rom 12:2, 2 Cor 10:5
  • Deal objectively with Movies, Magazines, Marketing…Photoshop is not real.
  • Do your best to be accountable- We should never think we can out grow our acct.
  • Understand what Flee means- 2 Tim 2:22

Finally…Isn’t it funny how boys play fight with their dad’s. I’m gonna get you Dad…Roar. One punch and they hit your watch and go crying to mom. I’m not sure how to react to that…in the same way, I am not sure how to react to Samson, he seems like he should know better. Even though we don’t want our sons to be like him or our daughters to date him, God used him in big ways. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Should we be like him or not be like him?

I hope the Samson story actually causes your heart to long for Jesus, I hope you see the GRACE of GOD in fresh ways…Judges 16:22. In all of our Brokenness, God’s grace shines bright…he is the God of second chances.

When we look at this story there are several connection points to JESUS-

  • Births- both foretold by an Angel
  • Both were sold out for silver
  • Both were saviors- Samson’s story was set in the Judges period where the story of salvation is played over and over, the people cry out to God and they hear. We see God using broken heroes all over this story, people of fear, deformed people, prideful people, and one like Samson a person full of lust.
  • Make no mistake- Jesus is the GREATER Samson. Only Jesus can restore us. He’s the only one who can mend our brokenness. He alone can break down anything separating us from God.

There is brokenness all around us. Every where you turn, people are in pain. This wasn’t God’s design…we got there because of SIN. God made a way through our hero Jesus. He came down, paid our debt and died in our place, and then rose again. If we turn and believe we can be restored, healed, and grow in a relationship with God. What is more, we can go into a world of brokenness and share the love of Jesus.

What is an Addictive Personality? part 1

Avoiding a Samson-like Fatal Attraction.

When I was in high school my leader told me that Paul had a thorn in his side.  A thorn?  That must have hurt.  No one really knows what that thorn was (poor eyesight, a limp, depression, etc.).  Like Paul, Samson had a life long thorn.  He had an addictive personality.  Samson had a huge issue with LUST.  My leader turned to me and said, “You have a thorn also Greg!”  What?  You also have an addictive personality.  I. Have. An. Addictive. Personality??  What is that?

 

Do you have an addictive personality? How do you know? Eat food for Comfort? Use Alcohol to socialize, have to have a cup in your hand? Need to be constantly stay connected- always counting your followers and likes? Shop for self-esteem wanting what you buy make you stand out? Gambling excitement? Use drugs or anything really to self-medicate? Is everything VERY, VERY hard to quit??   If you do not have problems with lust you may know someone that does…

We live in a sensual society. Sensuality is everywhere at schools, in homes, on TV, Newspapers, mags. Ever since the Fall of man, we’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. Samson, whose life and exploits we have been studying in this series from Judges is a good case in point.

Samson’s Addictive Personality

One might expect Samson to lead now and lead well. But he goes very far spiritually and geographically away from God- he’s a spiritual midget but physical giant.  Some think that 20 years have passed from chapter 15 to 16. Now Samson relives an old practice- Wandering Eyes. Samson has lived with an eye problem.  Judges 16:1 is a picture of an addict who leaves home, maybe not wanting to be caught or really not caring.

Samson went to Gaza, and there he saw a prostitute, and he went in to her (Judges 16:1).

His rep precedes him, the town surrounds him. They think they finally will win.  However, they experience a slight miscalculation. He handles gates like a realtor handles a For Sale sign.  Samson carried gates 40 miles or to the top of the hill that faces Hebron…Taking gates meant Samson won! Gates were for defense. Jesus said The GATES of Hell cannot stand, there will never be a day when Satan will win.  In our next post, I will share about the wonderful grace of God.  But I am left scratching my head.  Although God is not mentioned, there is no way Samson could have lifted the gates without the Spirit of the LORD rushing upon him.  Without the spirit he would have been dinner to a lion, he would have been powerless against the Philistines, he would have been weak in the face of the Philistines.

LESSONS TO LEARN

Addictions are a long-term battle. Samson was 20 yrs in the clear. If we don’t continually fight, we will succumb.

We don’t build back up, we take up where we left off.  Alcoholics are always alcoholics.  What a frightening thought, “We may be walking with the Lord for years, but in an instant, in an unguarded moment, we can fall back in.” Please Heed: 1 Corinthians 10:12- Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.

The grace of God covers are sins.  The grace of God covers our shortcomings.  God wants to live and work in us and through us.

Your Wake up Call part 2

Time to kill apathy and self-centeredness

Wake up calls are common when we travel. We call the hotel’s front desk and we tell them when we want to be awakened. The next morning, the phone rings at the appropriate time, and a computer-generated voice can be heard telling us the time.  Sometimes wake up calls come in other forms. Our boss telling us one more mistake, and we are fired. Flunking out of school. A near brush with death.

Sometimes we are awakened in the middle of the night, by a knock on the front door or a phone ringing or a child crying or an animal prowling or by a dream or by a man killing a 1,000 men with the jawbone of a donkey.

Remember our man Samson?  His wife has been given to his best man, he has wreaked havoc on Timnah a Philistine village by destroying an entire year’s worth of crops and now he is holed up in a cave.  The Philistines are ticked, they will “do to him what he did to us.”  Escalation.  Our unmet desires if allowed to escalate will lead to war.

The Philistines retaliate at Lehi (Judges 15:9-10).  NOTE- Lehi means jawbone.  Israel is surprised and frightened.  Then we read the saddest verse in the chapter.

Judges 15:11

Then 3,000 men of Judah went down to the cleft of the rock of Etam, and said to Samson, “Do you not know that the Philistines are rulers over us? What then is this that you have done to us?” And he said to them, “As they did to me, so have I done to them.”

Seriously??

There is so much wrong here.

  • The first time they muster an army, they do so to capture Samson and not fight the enemy.  They could’ve rallied the troops and marched behind their hero instead they hand him over.
  • The Israelites were OK w/slavery over freedom. Compromise over commitment.  Their God is the God of the Angel armies, he split the Red Sea, he caused 900 chariots to get stuck in the mud and opposing armies to kill each other without Israel lifting a finger, and he is the one who led them here.  The Israelites were overtaken by apathy and fear.

Bridge to Your World Personally Are you tired of status quo? Are you OK with missing opportunities for biblical reflection because life is too busy? Are you busier with important pursuits and leave knowing God for later? Are you so caught up with you plans that you don’t have time to deal with growth issues?  Do you need a wake-up call?

God’s Wake-up Call at Jawbone Hill

Judges 15:14-20 reads like a Hollywood movie like Patriot, Braveheart, or Gladiator.  One man sending a clear message to the enemy.

The Philistines sounded their victory battle cry! The Jews hung back! Samson was EMPOWERED. Ropes came off.

Samson picks up a fresh jawbone and kills 1,000 Philistine men. What did this do to the Jews? Do you think some of them had the urge to go out and fight? This was God’s Wake Up Call…

What is Samson’s response? Judges 15:16-A Play on words- Donkey and heap are the same words- with the jawbone of a DONKEY or the other word for donkey- Donkey upon Donkeys (don’t miss the poetic humor from Samson).   However, there is not mention of God, Samson takes the credit.

Then everything changed…Judges 15:18- First time he calls on God was in response to a physical need. He is thirsty. He sees his need big time. He still does not have mature God exalting responses, it is still all about HIM. No mention of anyone else…but it is a start.


 

Your Wake Up Call part 1

Time to kill apathy and self-centeredness

Several years ago the Associated Press released a story about a 20-year-old man named Gene Tipps of Seymour, Texas. On May 21, 1967, Mr. Tipps was involved in a very serious automobile accident in which he suffered severe head injuries. He was in a coma for three weeks, after which he remained in a state of unconsciousness for eight solid years. During that extended period of time, this was his daily routine: his parents would prop him up in bed, move him to a chair, brace him up by putting pillows around him, and then feed him. They would usually have to open his mouth and help move his jaw so he could chew the food. He would then swallow. When he finished eating, they would comb his hair, talk to him for awhile, and then put him back to bed. For eight long years, that was his daily experience. Then, one day after all those years of slumber, Gene Tipps woke up! His nurse was startled because she was trying to give him some medicine when he awakened. His parents ran to him and shouted for joy. They called the doctor. Everyone was thrilled and shocked simultaneously.

Later someone asked him what it was like to be asleep for eight years. Tipps replied, “It’s all very strange, my girlfriend is now married and has children. The war in Vietnam is over. To everyone else I am 28, but in my mind I am still only 20.” He slept from 1967 until 1975. He went to sleep when L.B.J. was President of the United States, and woke up with Jimmy Carter smiling in the White House. He slept right through Richard Nixon!  Can you imagine being asleep 8 years?

Samson and His Sowing to Self-Centeredness

Samson’s motto was, “I will do to them what they have done to me.”  Revenge was what he was after (Judges 15:3, 15:7, 15:11).  I really don’t blame him much.  His father in law gave his wife to the best man (Judges 15:2).  What ensues is long list of escalation, violence, death, and finally war.

Samson was called to defeat the enemy but down deep we long to see him fighting the Lord’s battle and not his own private wars. King David seemed to always connect the battles he faced and the enemies he faced as being enemies of the LORD.  Be careful that your individual preferences don’t become religious temper tantrums or worse, religious demands.

Where does all this escalation come from?

We can’t fulfill our selfish desires. We have desires that are God given and yet we pervert these desires w/self-centered demands. We don’t get what we want, so we get mad, mad at God, mad at our friends, just mad!  James 4:1-3 puts the problem squarely inside of us.

What is the result?

Galatians 6:7-8- The Law of the Harvest is as certain as Gravity. You reap what you sow. Samson sows to the Flesh will reap what he sows.  Farmers don’t EVER wonder what is in the Harvest.  That is impossible.  The farmer knew exactly what he sowed and followed up daily on what he sowed. God will not be mocked. We won’t be able to turn our noses up to God…

You Reap what you Sow…She is bored with her marriage. There’s a man at work that is so tender and caring. Her husband doesn’t understand her any more, but he does. You reap what you sow. He was just a sophomore in college trying to make ends meet when a friend told him how much money he was making selling pills to some of his friends. Quick money, illegal drugs.  You reap what you sow. He was spending more money than he was making, his bills were getting behind, creditors were constantly calling, and his credit score was getting worse and worse. You reap what you sow.

John Stott said

To ‘sow to the flesh’ is to pander to it, to cosset, cuddle and stroke it, instead of crucifying it … Every time we allow our mind to harbour a grudge, nurse a grievance, entertain an impure fantasy, or wallow in self-pity, we are sowing to the flesh. Every time we linger in bad company whose insidious influence we know we cannot resist, every time we lie in bed when we ought to be up and praying, every time we read pornographic literature, every time we take a risk which strains our self-control, we are sowing, sowing, sowing to the flesh. Some Christians sow to the flesh every day and wonder why they do not reap holiness.

John Stott also said

Sow a thought, reap an action.

Sow an action, reap a habit.

Sow a habit, reap a character.

Sow a character, reap a destiny.

Difficulty with Desires

How to Win Against Samson Like Desires

Have you seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?  One of the children with a golden ticket is Verruca Salt.  She is easily the world’s biggest spoiled brat.  It is easy to raise Verruca Salt’s.  Donald Miller in one of his talks referred to a spoiled girl one time.  She got that way because when the family was eating Mac & Cheese, she whined for chicken nuggets and the family caved to her whining.  Samson is the original Verruca Salt.

What happens to a person who is unchecked and no one or no thing can stop it?

Samson had a problem with his eyes (Judges 14:1-4). He didn’t want what God wanted or what his parents wanted.  He was unfaithful to his parents, his Nazirite vow, and to his God.  Although he is found in the Hall of Faith (Hebrews 11:32), he was not a faithful man.  Samson is not a guy you would want your daughters to date.

Samson had a problem with his flesh (Judges 14:5-9).  He was unfaithful to his vow and lived a life of secrecy.  Living in the shadows is never a good idea.  Samson was a closed book for no one to see.

How do we win against the battle of mounting desires?

Physical desires will challenge us till we die. They are like trying to fill up a leaky cup.  Once it is filled up, it is gone in a matter of time, needing to be filled again.

Winning the desire battle is intense and stressful. It requires the seriousness of a funeral and resolution of one on a mission. I once heard that the person who desires to live a life of obedience must struggle with the intensity of a drowning man struggling for air. The Apostle Paul challenged many to, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:  sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5).  He also said, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8:13). 

Personal Funeral planning is hard work. Being consistent is difficult. It takes effort, daily effort. Ask anyone who has ever struggled with addiction recovery, it is difficult. How do we fight this in our lives? What steps should we take to stop desires from overtaking us? The enemy knows us. He watches us. He knows our struggles and tries to exploit them.

  1. Take responsibility. You are responsible for what you do with temptations. God is not the author of your sin, the devil didn’t make you do it.  James 1:14
  2. Focus on the big picture. Temptations show how sweet the pleasure of sin is but not the stinging pain that sin brings.
  3. Identify areas of weakness in your life. Recognize which aspects of your life are easy targets for Satan’s attacks.   Never let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
  4. Make yourself accountable to a friend. Find someone you trust and tell them about the temptations. We can never outgrow our level of accountability.
  5. Treat the Bible like Bread not Cake. The Scripture is God’s path to wisdom and food for everyday use.  It is not cake for special occasions in life.

Luther- What’s all the Fuss About?

499 Years ago today the religious landscape changed...

Luther did not want to leave the Catholic church.  The 95 Theses were simply a way to start a dialogue with the church that he labored for and loved.  As he had his eyes opened up through self discovery of the word of God, his thinking (and others as well) began to change with what he was raised believing.  Thanks to the translations of the Bible and earlier writings, especially from Augustine (340-430) Luther’s life and beliefs began to change.  Two chasms began to form: Salvation by grace through faith rather than works and the gross emphasis on indulgences.  The Catholic Church’s practice of granting “indulgences” to provide absolution to sinners became increasingly corrupt. Indulgence-selling had been banned in Germany, but the practice continued unabated. In 1517, a friar named Johann Tetzel began to sell indulgences in Germany to raise funds to renovate St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.  Luther became concerned and wanted to have a dialogue:

luthertheses

THE 95 THESES

The 95 Theses were written in a humble way.  His tone was was one asking questions rather than accusing or pointing fingers.  However the overall thrust was quite provocative and stirring. Although there were 95 points, the first two contained what Luther wanted to get across, namely that God intended believers to seek repentance and that faith alone, and not deeds, would lead to salvation. The other 93 theses, a number of them directly criticizing the practice of indulgences, supported these first two.

OCTOBER 31, 1517

Out of love for the truth and the desire to bring it to light, the following propositions will be discussed at Wittenberg, under the presidency of the Reverend Father Martin Luther, Master of Arts and of Sacred Theology, and Lecturer in Ordinary on the same at that place. Wherefore he requests that those who are unable to be present and debate orally with us, may do so by letter.

In the Name our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

1. When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” ( Matthew 4:17 ), he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.

2. This word cannot be understood as referring to the sacrament of penance, that is, confession and satisfaction, as administered by the clergy.

Here is a link to the 95 Theses.

Luther on trial before the Diet of Worms defending his views on faith and the authority of the Bible.

INDULGENCES

The greatest complaint Luther and other reformers had with the Catholic Church was its practice of selling indulgences.  An indulgence was a payment to the church that purchased one’s “forgiveness”.  Of course one could not buy an indulgence for murder but for “smaller” sins of course (lies, lustful thoughts, anger, etc.).  The customer would in fact be buying less time in purgatory and secure a spot in heaven.  These customers were Catholic believers who feared that if one of their sins went unnoticed or unconfessed, they would spend extra time in purgatory before reaching heaven or worse, wind up in hell for failing to repent.

In later years, the sale of indulgences spread to include forgiveness for the sins of people who were already dead. That is evident in this passage from a sermon by Johann Tetzel, the monk who sold indulgences in Germany and inspired Martin Luther’s protest in 1517.

Don’t you hear the voices of your dead parents and other relatives crying out, “Have mercy on us, for we suffer great punishment and pain. From this, you could release us with a few alms . . . We have created you, fed you, cared for you and left you our temporal goods. Why do you treat us so cruelly and leave us to suffer in the flames, when it takes only a little to save us? [Source: Die Reformation in Augenzeugen Berichten, edited by Helmar Junghaus (Dusseldorf: Karl Rauch Verlag, 1967), 44.]On October 31, 1517, he attempted to provoke a debate, that is all it was, by nailing a list of 95 questions to the door of the Wittenburg university cathedral. The debate became public when some unknown person reprinted his ideas in a pamphlet which was eventually distributed throughout Germany.  Elsewhere, Ulrich Zwingli, John Calvin, Menno Simons and others launched their own religious reform movements. As a result, by the end of the 16th century, perhaps as much as one third of western Europe’s population no longer believed in the supremacy of the pope. Catholic’s seeing an exodus from their churches developed reforms of their own.  Many of the reforms eliminated the practices that provoked the original reformation.

Leadership Battle Lines

Avoid These Three Pitfalls at all Costs!

Leadership is a battle.  Leaders fight battles every day.  The old adage is true, “You win some and you lose some.”  Sometimes in winning a battle we are actually losing in the end.  Here are Three Battle Lines that may make a leader feel like they are winning but they are actually losing.

Below are three Battles that leaders have chosen and will choose to take up.  Each of these may feel like a winning solution but in each case a leader will lose.  They may feel like they are winning but they are not.  Are you able to determine what a winning battle line is and a losing battle line?   To be sure it must not be based on feelings.  It is apparent that each of these battle lines exposes the level of insecurity that exists on the inside of the leader.

Insecurity is NEVER good in a leader.  An insecure leader rarely creates a strong community.  They instead create divisions through combativeness, complaining, and comfort.  Insecurity causes a leader to steer away from the mission at hand out of maintaining leadership.

The Team Exists for You (since you are the leader). 

This is so easy to actually believe.  The leader leads and expects and is even entitled to the status that comes with leadership.  Perks flow up.  Respect is demanded.  The rules don’t really apply to  you because of your position.  If you are really good at this the end will be loneliness.  NO ONE WANTS TO BE ON A TEAM WITH A LEADER WHO THINKS THIS WAY.

The result will be lack of morale and low ownership of the mission.  Churches are not exempt.  Many Pastors draw up this battle line quite often.  They say, “This is MY ministry, MY church!”  No wonder we are where we are with people sitting in a chair, listening nicely and then going home.  After all it is not their ministry.  They are not qualified.  They are not professional and smooth enough.

A Pastor can get away with this mindset and feel like they are winning but the church is losing.  This is not the heart of Biblical leadership (2 Corinthians 5:18-20; 1 Peter 2:9-10).

Leading Based on Getting Strokes from those you Lead.

Someone once said, “Never seek affirmation from the people you lead.”  It will erode you ability to lead unlike very few things can.  It goes like this, “I wonder if they liked my presentation? I wonder if they appreciate all of my sacrifices? I wonder if they will like the new rules we are setting up?”

Truth be known, a little self disclosure (I really struggle with this and have for many years).  I used to ask my wife if she thought my presentation was good enough.  It wasn’t out of the motive to get better but it was to get stroked.  It was for my EGO.  I still feel this sometimes, even after 25 years of speaking to all kinds of people.

I have reflected on this and have come to the conclusion that a leader should do their best and that is that.  Shut their briefcase and go home.  The results will come, God is good, and then the work of leadership also comes with all the needed changes as well.

Stroked based leadership is a myth.  I have, on occasions traveled to speak to a group that never met me.  I typically get more “strokes” on the road than at home.  If I expect strokes at home like on the road I am missing one important detail, “Those closest to you already know you.  They know all about you the good, the bad, and the ugly.”  One person said, “Those who know you more will always applaud you less than those who know you less.”  SO TRUE!

Keeping Strong People Away Because of Your Weakness

Business or church leaders do this all the time.  They hire people that show of their own strengths rather than the best for the organization.  Choosing this battle line will cause the organization to diminish.  A strong leader will always pick strong leaders and they will also be able to attract strong leaders.

If you think you are winning in this way ask yourself:

  • Can I invite someone to speak at my church that is better than me?
  • Can I hire someone that is better than me?
  • Will I let a volunteer pick the way they want to do something?
  • Do you think someone is disloyal if they don’t agree with you?
  • Do you see those who work for you as employees rather than teammates?

The Ground You Stand On

How Temptation Works and the Ground We Lose

I think the reason temptation is so powerful is that it blinds us to how we maybe getting deceived.  What you see is typically not what you get.  The hook looks really good until you swallow it.  We all have the potential to succumb to temptation over and over again.  We do have the ability to say, “NO!”  And what is the best news of all, our past choices never have to be the story on our future.

Hand-Trap

Temptations come in all shapes and sizes.  Since our enemy can’t defeat God he will do all he can to defeat us and get us into small thinking and selfish living.

1. Casual Contact (the small, seemingly insignificant things the enemy uses to get a foothold in our lives).  This is the daily barrage of small gnats that irritate the joy out of you.  Financial investors know that small amounts over long periods of time can make great wealth.  In the same way, great ground is lost by small erosion on a daily basis.

The best defense to Casual Contact temptation is to have solid accountability.  True friendships are a great way to keep your footing.  A friend that consistently asks how things are going in your life.  A true friend will wound you where it matters but the wound is exactly what you need.

2. Corrosive Conflict (the “misunderstandings” that happen with people in your workplace, church, neighborhood, and family that end up creating division).  Families and teams are the basic building blocks of our society.  When they crumble ground is lost.  The Bible encourages us to do everything we can to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14).

The best defense against losing ground to Corrosive Conflict is to take God at His word.  Proverbs 15:1 is a great place to start; gentle answers turn away wrath.

3. Crippling Emotions (the fear, insecurity, and jealousy that we all battle at one time or another).  It maybe true that everyone has some form of psychosis in them.  Every family and team is made up of differing personalities.  When we forget to enjoy the differences we lose ground.  If we believe the negative stuff and forget the truth, we lose ground.

The best defense to our Crippling Emotions is to remind ourselves of the truth.  Our enemy is a liar, that is the language he uses.  Instead of believing lies believe the truth.  The truth will set you free from the negative thinking.  In order to believe the truth, one must know the truth, get a Bible and begin reading it and then get with other believers who are talking about the Bible and applying it to their lives.

4. Confused Identity (basing who we are on external accomplishments rather than what Christ has already accomplished for us through His death and resurrection).  Have you ever over inflated your achievements in order to make yourself look better than you really are?  If we do this we are losing ground inside of us.  Instead of getting bigger we get smaller.  We should remember who we are and who God is and have sober judgement about our abilities and giftedness.  Romans 12:3 is spot on, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”

The best defense against Confused Identity is to remember who God is.  The Bible has hundreds of passages that declare how great God is (Exod 15:7; Jer 32:17, 19; 1 Chron 16:25, 29:11; 2 Chron 6:32; Psalms 47:2, 7, 48:2, 96:4, 136:4; Neh 1:5; Is 12:6, 40:26, 55:9; Ezek 36:23; Josh 7:9; Mal 1:14; Matt 5:35, Luke 1:49; Eph 3:20; 1 Tim 6:15).

Are You Rapture Ready?

Reflections from a Message on an End Times Overview

Why is God landing in this enemy-occupied world in disguise and starting a sort of secret society to undermine the devil? Why is He not landing in force, invading it? Is it that He is not strong enough? Well, Christians think He is going to land in force; we do not know when. But we can guess why He is delaying. He wants to give us the chance of joining His side freely. I do not suppose you and I would have thought much of a Frenchman who waited till the Allies were marching into Germany and then announced he was on our side. God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realize what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else -something it never entered your head to conceive- comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realized it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last forever. We must take it or leave it.” C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity

God is in control.  He will invade.  He has come one time as a baby and will come again as a warrior.  Interestingly, the very way that the Jewish people thought He would come the first time.

When My Life Was Changed

I made a personal decision to receive the Gift of God through Jesus as a sophomore in High School.  I began to read the Bible like every day was my last day with it.  I was hungry for as much of God as I could get.  Those first years were truly some amazing times.  My Bible became a playground of sorts.  I was throwing colors all over the pages of my Bible believing that a worn out and well read Bible meant that the person reading it was not worn out.  After a couple of years of reading the Bible and some bible studies on End Times stuff I wrote in the inside cover of my Bible this quote, “In case of Rapture read Revelation 13.  Trust Jesus as your savior, don’t get the mark (666)!  Don’t be deceived by evil men.  Realize that Jesus will win in the end (Philippians 2:11, Revelation 19-22).  He loves you so much!  After reading this you have to be able to make a decision live with Hell on earth for only a little while longer or live with Hell in Hell for Eternity.  Why Wait?  TRUST JESUS.”  This was before The Left Behind Series books.  I just sit back and am amused at this.  Here is the picture from my Bible.  I still believe this…although I probably would not have written it in my current Bible.

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